there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Randomize
