Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
