i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
