her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
