I think I died a long time ago.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize