The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
