tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Randomize
