i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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