Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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