If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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