No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
