im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
