Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
