I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
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