Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize
