When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Randomize