Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
