and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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