so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I forget how to act sober
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
