he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Randomize
