Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
