right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
We don't watch enough power rangers
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize