Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
you inspire me to be a worse person
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
