im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Ladies don't puke and tell
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
