i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
