Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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