I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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