Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
