Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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