the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
