Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
