I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
