Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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