I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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