That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize