next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
