You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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