Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
