I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Randomize
