When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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