I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
