I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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