You can't motorboat a personality
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Randomize