SEEEEXXX PLEASE
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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