I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
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