I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize