I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
is wine microwaveable?
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Sext me about skeletons
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
