Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
