You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
