i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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