I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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