i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
