He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
