I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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