Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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