Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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