it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
