Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Randomize
