At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
