I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
i think i just lost a toe
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
