There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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