"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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