guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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