If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
