My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Randomize
