In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
