it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
