My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
