I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Randomize
